Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
