Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
