So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Randomize
