Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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