I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize