A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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