his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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