Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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