I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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