I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Randomize
