I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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