So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
