Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
