two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
