White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
