yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
