cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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