im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
