So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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