so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
