i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
barbara walters just said penis...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
