swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
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