Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
