She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
