my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
