She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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