He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
