If i come over, it means nothing
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We left the knife in your bed.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize