Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
