I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
