I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
