I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
wanna go halves on a baby?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
