my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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