Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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