It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
