You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm passing your future prison.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
