Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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