if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
