i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
