I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
