This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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