i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
