Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize