I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
