i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
