I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
