something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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