If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
