respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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