But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We are two peas in an std pod
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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