My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
