It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
