I hate your face
i was born a porn star she said
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
