watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
