Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
