cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
