you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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