The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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