YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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