my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
