I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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