All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
