highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
