You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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