talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
