Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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