It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
