imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
