we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
