oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
it glows. i had to have it.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
