Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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